It's day 3 for me. I got to day 28 and slipped. It wasn't a big slip - I had 10 oz of ice cream to numb my feelings in the fallout after seeing a trauma counsellor. So, it was not really a classic binge. What it was: the classic use of sugar and fat to avoid feeling how I feel. That's an abuse of food. That's a compulsive food behaviour. That's not abstinent.
So I didn't take my 30 day coin (again) last night at my home meeting. I shared about my experience. I had people privately thank me later.
But you know what? There were 9 other people at the meeting. Only one other talked about her abstinence in any detail. Most people talked about their struggles. Which is fine. But where is the abstinence? There were two long time members not there last night - I know both are not abstinent this week. Which is fine. But one of them stayed away from the meeting and kept quiet. And I think I know why. And that's not ok.
I am concerned about that lack of recovery in my home group. I am concerned about the lack of physical recovery at my Intergroup. The spiritual recovery is also shaky at times - you can see it when people's character defects show up at the meeting in how they respond to adversity, to frustration, to inter-personal relationships.
None of this is to say I am doing it right or better than anyone else. But I am being honest and open. And I don't see everyone else doing that. Then again, one of my character defects is wanting to police the behaviour of others so they meet my expectations. So. Enough. Today is my day 3. I will work my program the best I can. And I will send loving kindness that everyone else does what they need to do to support their recovery today too.
Blessed be.
