Saying No / Boundaries

I have been frustrated lately by people not extending themselves to do the work my local OA community needs.  Or if they do take on a project, they don't follow through.  Rarely they are honest enough to say, "I can't right now".  Most of the time they just ghost.  I'm sure it is unfinished in their own mind and a source of shame for them.  Another defeat instead of a triumph in their recovery.

And I feel anger over that absence, that something I hoped would be done is undone.  Sadness of them ghosting and being unwilling to stand up, take responsibility, keep their word, or apologize and make amends.  I find it upsetting to have the expectation / experience of counting on them to do what they said they would do.  And I feel pressure to take up the slack.  That's where boundaries come in most strongly for me right now in this stage of my recovery.

A good friend reminds me to look at these situations as "not my circus, not my monkeys."  True, except I want a vibrant OA in my area.  We are heading into the second year with no annual retreat.  It's been over a year since Intergroup did a workshop.  I am feeling this urge to fill the gap.  I honestly do not have the energy to put a whole retreat together and it should not be on any one individual anyway.  So sigh.  I will go to a neighbouring Intergroup's retreat and be grateful for all their work and effort in providing this recovery opportunity.  And I will see if my home group will do a 1/2 day workshop.  Do what we can, where we are, with what we have.

The For Today reading this morning is this:

Better deny at once than promise long. (Danish proverb) 

"Well, maybe."  "Perhaps."  Is that what I say because I can't say No?  Or worse yet, "We'll see."  That takes the prize for keeping someone dangling and coming back to find out whether it's Yes, No or another We'll see. 

Fear is at the root of my inability to refuse.  Someone may get angry or be so displeased as to write me off, no longer have anything to do with me.  But I cannot be responsible for the way people react to the choices I make.  That is their problem, and I no longer think I can solve other people's problems.  All I can do today is try to carry out God's will for me as I see it.  If I'm wrong, I will stand corrected and make my amends.  I believe that, too, is God's will.

For today:  God grant me the courage to be honest; to say No if that is what I mean.

And at the same time, God grant me the courage to try new things, to stretch myself, to come out of my isolation and carry my load, fairly.  Not too much.  Not too little.  And to have faith that as others recover, they will do the same. 

May I have patience and pity for those who are not yet able to carry the message and contribute their share of the OA community's work.  May I let go of my perfectionism and my expectations of others.

May I place my recovery on my own shoulders and with the help of my Higher Power, grow in my own right, without reference to what other people may or may not do.

Blessed be.