Expectations

Expectations are pre-arranged resentments.

Learning Under Duress

Things I am learning as I struggle:

·    My food behaviour is inacceptable in that it is dysfunctional and obstructive to my healthy living goals.

·    In giving up and bingeing when I was upset, I refused to even try let alone train consequently to use measures that actually will help me in dealing

·    I have a special version of failing when I give up and binge.  It is beyond failing as “try and not succeed” or “try and not be good enough” and in the territory of “fail by doing things I know will fail me” along with trying to justify this failing as inevitable or somehow helpful.

·    I do not have the right to put myself in harm’s way and punish myself by bingeing for three days, let alone one. 

·    I do not need 15 hours of sleep in one day, even if I am tired.  That is avoidance, not healing.

·    I was wrong to sleep for 15 hours ignoring projects that need to be done. 

·    If I mess up, I cannot be rewarded for it or why would I ever change.

·    If I procrastinate, this will get worse.

·    What I do to hurt myself is life-threatening and much worse than simply doing what is healthy for me.  My Higher Power is kinder to me than I am to myself (but right now that is not very hard to do).

It hurts to change.  It hurts not to change.  Pick your hurt.  Life will get better as I heal.

Affirmations that are helping :-)

I'm using affirmations, before breakfast, at noon, late afternoon, and before bed.  I am also writing them out in the morning.  There is something different about writing them than saying them.  Writing them down goes into my head better, I think.

These are my affirmations:

I am a worthy human being.  I am a woman who will be treated with dignity and due respect.  I will not undermine my self worth and call myself demeaning words.  I will hold my self to a higher standard. 

I am a child of God.

A healthy life is worth the effort.  A healthy life is a reward in itself.  I will not sabotage my capability to achieve worthy life goals.  I will take all necessary efforts and action to hydrate and eat properly.

Oh, and I also like "May my heart be open."  Blessed be.

Our ideas did not work. But the God idea did.

“We had to ask ourselves why we shouldn’t apply to our human problems this same readiness to change our point of view.  We were having trouble with our personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn’t make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people – was not a basic solution of these bedevilments more important than whether we should see newsreels of lunar flight?  Of course it was.

When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the Universe, we had to stop doubting the power of God.  Our ideas did not work.  But the God idea did.”

Big Book, p. 52 (The "Bedevilments"