Saturday 18 June 2016

Learning Under Duress

Things I am learning as I struggle:

·    My food behaviour is inacceptable in that it is dysfunctional and obstructive to my healthy living goals.

·    In giving up and bingeing when I was upset, I refused to even try let alone train consequently to use measures that actually will help me in dealing

·    I have a special version of failing when I give up and binge.  It is beyond failing as “try and not succeed” or “try and not be good enough” and in the territory of “fail by doing things I know will fail me” along with trying to justify this failing as inevitable or somehow helpful.

·    I do not have the right to put myself in harm’s way and punish myself by bingeing for three days, let alone one. 

·    I do not need 15 hours of sleep in one day, even if I am tired.  That is avoidance, not healing.

·    I was wrong to sleep for 15 hours ignoring projects that need to be done. 

·    If I mess up, I cannot be rewarded for it or why would I ever change.
·    If I procrastinate, this will get worse.

·    What I do to hurt myself is life-threatening and much worse than simply doing what is healthy for me.  My Higher Power is kinder to me than I am to myself (but right now that is not very hard to do).
It hurts to change.  It hurts not to change.  Pick your hurt.  Life will get better as I heal.

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