Like many OA meetings, my home group
welcomes newcomers by asking an experienced member to explain OA in broad brush
strokes and to share what they were like when they first came to OA, what their
fears were, what they learned, and how they are now. One common theme is the use of “God” in our
program.
Faith. It is a troubling concept for those who have
struggled with the diet mentality of willpower, self-control, and personal
responsibility thrust on us by well-meaning family members, concerned physicians,
and a for-profit weight loss industry.
We have all the good intentions: to start again Monday, to never buy [binge
food] again, to go to the gym... As the
Big Book says, “Many of us had moral and
philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though
we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by
wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help” [p.62].
Reluctance
to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God (as we understand God)
can be a HUGE barrier to progress. We struggle with the spiritual principle which
underlies the Third Step: FAITH.
Step
3 is where we decide to trust God with our recovery. We admit powerlessness to overcome addictive behaviours on our own
(Step 1). We realize (at least in theory) a Higher Power can deliver us from
the insanity of addiction (Step 2). Now we
are ready to take the step of giving these matters over to God as we understand
God.
This
is a huge leap forward in faith. We trust that God can restore us to a right
mind; a sane mind that leads to sane and healthy behaviours and a life filled
with greater serenity, personal power and even joy. We recognize that we need guidance to find a
new way of living.
If we are willing to try to find a Higher
Power through the steps, then we have to make a decision to WORK the steps.
And, as Lawrie C says, that really is all Step Three is -- a DECISION (http://www.therecoverygroup.org/wts/2005/2005-03q3.html). It’s not actually turning our will and our
lives over. It’s just a DECISION to do that. In order to turn my will and my
life over, I have to get rid of the things in myself that are blocking me from
my Higher Power. And that takes work, in
particular, Steps 4 and onward.
In Step 3, we have faith that we can turn
over that rigid sense of self and an obsession with food that binds us up in resentment,
anger, and fear. We read the Big Book on
how the addict is constantly battling for control:
“…like
an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the
lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If
his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the
show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would
be wonderful. […] What usually happens?
The show doesn't come off very well. […] What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a
self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion
that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only
manages well?” [Big Book, pp.60-61]
We realize
we have to let go of our need to be in control. But practically, what does that mean? It takes Step 3:
This
is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't
work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to
be our Director. […] Most good ideas are
simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch
through which we passed to freedom. [Big Book, p.62]
Step 3 is the first step that requires
action. The first two steps focus on reflection and introspection. Now, we make a decision. We shift our mindset from thinking about OA
concepts to carrying them out. So, Step 3 is the simple decision to let the
God of my understanding be the overall manager of my life. I “let go and
let God”.
We read in the OA 12&12, that
practicing this principle of faith means that “we will no longer go through
life acting however we feel like acting at any given moment. Instead we will look to our Higher Power for
guidance and strength as we face each decision” [p.103].
It takes a recalibration of our default
reactions to life. We start to ask for help with behaviours where we are like the child
who never grew up. If my immediate
reaction is “Oh! I wanna…” then the right
answer may be “no, I shouldn’t have that.”
And if my kneejerk reaction is “no!
I don’t wanna!” then usually this is precisely the thing I should do.
So, we take the Third Step Prayer and – privately, with our sponsor, or in a
meeting with our fellows – say: “God, I offer myself to Thee – to build with me
and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may
better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear
witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May
I do Thy will always” [Big Book, p.63].
The Step 3 Decision is to ask for help, to
seek guidance, to stop and mindfully canvass our Higher Power for direction in
all our affairs. We can start with food,
but sooner or later, we will turn to God in all things that trouble us. However, we haven't completed the transaction
when we say the words of commitment in prayer.
Just
saying the Third Step Prayer does not turn our will and our lives over to God. We have to choose, over and
over, day to day, to bring recovery into our lives. That's what Steps Four through Twelve are:
the way to turn our whole lives - past, future, and present - over to God.
The AA 12&12 describes the process as
letting God in and then doing something about it. “Like all the remaining Steps, Step Three calls for affirmative action,
for it is only by action that we can cut away the self-will which has always
blocked the entry of God - or, if you like a Higher Power - into our lives.
Faith, to be sure, is necessary, but faith alone can avail nothing. We can have
faith, yet keep God out of our lives” [AA 12&12, p.40].
We practice
consciously seeking God in big things and small. That is:
“As
we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the
right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer
running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will
be done." We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger,
worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do
not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when
we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves” [Big Book, pp.87-88].
This
is serenity: the spiritual state of
acceptance that helps us recovering addicts to achieve a state of calmness and
peace. Taking
Step 3 (daily, if need be) is how we drop our resistance to recovery. As we practice being conscious of a higher
power, our inner voice will gradually turn from a hunch or occasional
inspiration to gradually becoming a working part of our minds [Big Book, p.87].
And boy, will we need this! Once
we put the food down, we will likely begin to contend with emotions that we
have stuffed down. Wounds that have been numbed. Dreams that have been
shattered. For many, addiction is a way to cope.
Some of our difficulties coping are centred
on emotions. In the process of letting go of compulsive food behaviours, we “get
to know” our feelings. Our developing
coping skill of turning our troubles over to our Higher Power for guidance is
put to the test. This is inevitable. We find ourselves actively pursuing those
uncomfortable emotions, the very thing that we have been addictively avoiding
for years. It will be uncomfortable at
times. Very uncomfortable. [Remember the Tools? Work them when it’s uncomfortable. Work them when it’s not uncomfortable so you
have practice for when your emotions get icky.]
As OA-er Dominica A writes, “My emotional
dam broke and a lifetime of stuffed emotions came flooding out. I had no idea how to contend with them. Let Go and Let God. When I
get into self-will, I say, ‘God, I surrender. I give this to you right now.
Take it because I don't want it. I trust you.’ Then, I do my best to let it go.”
This is Step 3 and faith. We remind ourselves if we turn it over and
don’t let go, we end up upside down! We
right ourselves and take Step 3 again.
Daily. One day at a time. That’s faith in action.
-Jennifer
S.
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