Joe and Charlie write about how the phenomenon of addiction starts in the mind. It is the thought that I need something to "help" me feel less irritable, restless and discontent. The cravings only start once the substance is in our system physically. Before that, it is just a thought.
So I was having some 'cravings' (really, they were thoughts) that I wanted ice cream, a hamburger, some pizza. Some summer street food in the heat, in the plaza, with everybody else. The normal eaters and the not normal eaters in their pre-recovery days.
But those are thoughts. Thoughts that mask the feelings of "I'm lonely" and "I wish I was like everybody else". And EVERYBODY, from Bill W to Joe and Charlie to my sponsor to me when I'm not being restless, irritable and discontent, says this delusion of being like a normal eater has to be set aside completely. Smashed.
So why the thoughts when my food is clean? It's just my will trying to drive the show into a ditch.
My sponsor says when these thoughts come, we first inventory our food. If it's clean, then I inventory my thoughts, words, and actions. No matter where these thoughts of abusing myself with food come from, I deal with the thoughts, the cravings in MY MIND. I don't set my body up for the relentless cycle of being triggered into physical cravings. It stops at only the thoughts.
Blessed be.
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