Songs that Lift my Spirit and Help with Connection

Part of my Step 11 practice is to listen to songs that lift my spirit and help me connect with life, love, and my HP.

This beautiful sunny Canada Day morning, I'm listening to these:

Since I've Laid My Burden Down by Mississippi John Hurt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXEtNknolKY

Amen / This Little Light of Mine by Etta James

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fu_Ebu7SimM

and reminding me how much I've learned from adding my sponsor's voice to my own lately:

One Voice by the Wailin' Jennys

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-24qGCvo7A

Love and blessings.

And an update:  another OA-er shared this and I love it:

Be Still by the Fray
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vtp-p7qFI2I

Food Plan Documents

Click here

See also the March 2017 OA Sea to Sky newsletter article on food plans here.

Boundaries

Interested to read this lovely quote from Prentis Hemphill, the former Healing Justice director of Black Lives Matter, on boundaries:

Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.- Prentis Hemphill

My sponsor is encouraging me to take a step back in my service positions and focus on my recovery.  Strong personal recovery is a service in itself.  I often find it easier to serve others before I serve my own needs and that leads to resentment.  It's unhealthy.

I see it in others too -- a busy life in service to others can be a front for not being willing to love ourselves enough to do our own work for ourselves.  There is an unchallenged shame in there;  feeling we are not deserving of recovery in our own right.

60 Seconds of Hope

From the blog of the NINET-IMH Lab at UBC (they treat major depression, among other mood disorders):

Sixty Seconds of Hope

I think we’re all sailors, navigating by the stars. Sometimes they’re hard to see. The sky’s overcast, the city’s too bright. The waves are rough and you have to fight just to stay afloat. Sometimes, it’s hard to remember why you sail at all. But there are moments, sometimes weeks, sometimes minutes, when the sea lies still. When the wind is fair and the air is bright. When the stars are out. And you stand on the bow and realize the beauty of it all. These are the moments we must remember. Because no matter how overcast the sky and cold the sea, the storm will always pass. When it does, and you stand up on shaky knees to peer over the horizon, maybe you’ll finally find land. 

And hey. You’re doing good.

Love love love it.

Quotes from the OA LA Birthday Party, 2019

A friend in my Intergroup went to the OA 59th Birthday Party in Los Angeles last weekend.  She shared her best "take away" quotes and they are worth absorbing!

...

"The first thing that goes through an addicted brain is, 'how can I get my way.' The first thing that goes through a recovered brain is, 'I should make an outreach call.'" 

"You must realize deep down that you don't get away with anything."

"Weight... body size... food... dealing with that (ie. using a food plan) is NOT the solution to our problem. The solution is the 12 Steps, which help me deal with the feelings that life brings up in me."

"My excuses kept me from OA for many years. Don't let your excuses keep you from Abstinence!"

"There comes a point in this process (usually right before surrender) where it's so uncomfortable and foreign that it feels like you're walking into a bonfire. You can walk through fire tonight or tomorrow morning, but eventually, you need to walk through that fire. Recovery is on the other side, and there's no other way to get to it."

"You can always feel free to test the food one more time to see if you can beat it – but you neverwill!"

What I've learned is that we are all newcomers until we have 10 years of continuous, back-to-back abstinence in Program."

"To eat my alcoholic foods is to die: the mind, soul, and spirit go first; the body catches up later."

"When I started doing what I was told, that's when Program and recovery really started happening at speed."

"The most sacred thing you will encounter today is another person."

"Is what I'm thinking right now MY thought or GOD'S thought?

"What I'm releasing is less important than what I'm releasing into."

"God, help me see this as you see this."

"Before Abstinence, I had no idea what it felt like to be imprisoned because I had no idea what it meant to be free."

"When it came to the Big Book, I had trouble identifying with the content until I considered this: do I think like Bill thinks? do I act like Bill acts? Do I eat like Bill drinks?"

"Don't put people on pedestals in Program; that's an unfair thing to do to anybody. We must remain right-sized and humble to recover!"

"I was taken to a place of willingness – and I was willing to be taken."

"In recovery, I don't have things I 'need to do;' instead, I have a new way of life."

"We're all lamps. And unless we're plugged into Program, we can't light up!"

"If you take issue with 'God', consider this: if you need to let go of something, does it really matter who catches it?"

"12 Step work is anything done in service to another fellow in Program."

"If you're feeling alone, isolated, and needing help, go to meetings and share where you're at so that the people who can help you can find you."

"I can use any story to justify going back to food because that how I'm wired. I can't trust my broken brain, therefore I don't make food decisions on my own."

"The first 90 days of abstinence is hard! It will be painful! But it will end! It's going to be a dog fight but you won't be alone!"

"Only an addict fights to the death to keep doing something that is killing them."

Discord

The reading in For Today for this morning is about discord and its counterpart, peace.  Or as Publilius Syrus calls it, concord.

Discord gives a relish for concord - Publilius Syrus

Curiously, Publilius Syrus, the 1st Century Latin proverbist, also gave us the phrase, "A rolling stone gathers no moss." 

But what of concord?  It is not a word commonly used but rather an idea common sought, I think.  

Concord. s.v. agreement or harmony between people or groups. 

The reading states that fighting the disease of compulsive eating (indeed, any addiction, I expect) is fighting myself.  So I lay down my arms in OA.  I am open to the teaching of others.

For Today continues by noting how "being human, however, I still bring discord into my life:  I sometimes get angry over my own and others' mistakes; I argue over minor matters as though my life depended upon it; I eat too much and hate myself for it."

Publilius Syrus has an apt proverb for that too:

"An angry man is again angry with himself when he returns to reason."

 So I reflect on my affinity for discord - creating it, being curious by it, observing it in others with disdain but also fascination.  And I pray for more peace, more concord, more connection in my interactions with others.  I look at my progress so far and I want more progress.  I dare to keep trying to grow and OA is a place where I have found some concord.

Thanks, Publilius Syrus, for reminding me today that "valour grows by daring, fear by holding back."

Blessed be.

On Awakening

I didn't realize it would be so painful to wake up.  It is.  And that's ok.  I am learning to work with emotions and memories I have blocked -- intentionally, desperately, out of a perverse sense of self preservation -- for decades. 

This morning's reading in For Today starts with this quote from Henry Miller (and I choose to leave the misogyny of some of his writing to the side for now and focus on what is useful instead):

The man who looks for security, even in the mind, is like a man who would chop of his limbs in order to have artificial ones which will give him no pain or trouble.

And the reading continues with, "Under the heavy anesthetic of compulsive overeating there was perfect security.  I felt no pain or confusion.  [Well, I felt pain but it was somehow better pain than the original pain - how's that for addict logic...]  In fact, I did not feel a thing.  The price I paid for such peace was to chop off all my connections with reality, and with life itself."

Now, as my 4th decade is well underway, I am no longer sedating myself out of my life with excess food.  The pain never really went away - it was numbed, I told myself it was more manageable as my life crumbled around me.  Now, I see big gaping holes where my life should be -- my health, my relationships, my physical environment, a sense of fun and adventure.  My life got small.  And breaking out of that is painful.  It's hard.  I tell myself it's worth it.  But right now it pretty much sucks.  The waves of anger, fear, disillusionment, sadness are tidal - they feel tsunami when they are here and then I laugh at my anxious over reaction when they start to lessen in intensity.

The For Today message is this:

For today:  I do not have to be afraid that my feelings will blow me away.  I can allow myself to feel them, talk about them, write about them -- and watch them dissipate.  I do not need the fake security of compulsive overeating. 

I can live my stormy life without abusing myself in the process.  These are skills I have when I work my program.  Life saving skills.  Life preserving skills.  Not the false security that cripples me, but the real skills of living.

Blessed be.