In other words, today -- for the next 24 hours -- my focus is on working the 12 steps and refraining from eating compulsively. The rest of my long-term problems will sort themselves out with God's help.
Yesterday at the Northshore Round Up, the AA speaker, Tina A from Torrence, California, talked about how she had felt nothing would ease her pain, make her feel better, make her feel nothing, than alcohol. And she had searched and searched for an adequate substitute and nothing worked. And she fell further and further, using more and more, not just alcohol but also drugs. She traded sex for alcohol. She did things that shamed her because she needed a drink so badly. And she started going to AA because it was warm, they let her live in her car behind the club. The caretaker would open early for her and give her soap and towels so she could wash up. They let her have as much coffee and as many jelly doughnuts as she wanted. And eventually she started to listen. And she didn't believe it would work. She didn't care if it would work. It was enough that she had a place to be where people were kind to her. And eventually it started to work.
She was six weeks sober when she wanted to share. She stood up and said, "I'm Tina, I'm an alcoholic" and her sponsor then told her to sit down: "That's all you know." Amazing. And yet she found comfort in having someone tell her the path, tell her what to do next. She didn't believe but she did it anyway. Now, at 31 years sober, she says she doesn't always believe now, but she still works the program. It is an adequate substitute for drinking. And the life she has now bears no resemblance to the life she had before AA.
The Bhagavad Gita is not a person but rather an ancient (2 or 3 century BCE) Hindhu manuscript. In one of the chapters, the seeker asks if it is better to act or refrain from acting. And this made me think is it better to put all my energy into the 12 Steps (action) or better to put all my energy into not bingeing (refrain from compulsive action)? Both are important. In the Bhagavad Gita, Krisha (God) answers the question saying both are ways to the same goal, but acting is superior. I think this must be right.
For today, I will focus my energy on living my steps and trust God to handle my compulsions.
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