For Today - Gratitude and Faith

To stand on one leg and prove the existence of God is a very different thing from going down on one's knees and thanking Him.  - Soren Kierkegaard

True, even if the first proposition is impossible. 

Kierkegaard also wrote, "What I really need is to get clear about what I must do, not what I must know, except insofar as knowledge must precede every act. What matters is to find a purpose, to see what it really is that God wills that I shall do; the crucial thing is to find a truth which is truth for me, to find the idea for which I am willing to live and die."

And yet he also wrote this:  "I have needed God every day to defend myself against the abundance of thoughts."

In his later writings, Kierkegaard broke from the Church of Denmark (and of the state at that time given there was no separation of church and state then).  His own nephew disrupted his funeral to protest the involvement of the state Church and was fined for maintaining his uncle's convictions on his behalf.  To the end, Kierkegaard stressed the importance of taking responsibility for our own relationship with God.

In this way, Kierkegaard fits well with the OA concept of a defining a God that works for me, a Higher Power that connects me with my life force, loves me, protects me, and cares for my well-being and development.  He also suffered greatly from what he called melancholy which, when I read some of his work, sounds like major depression to me.

We read Step 3 last night at our meeting -- "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."  My decision was made and is continually made.  My ability to turn to God is less reliable.  I reached for my Higher Power yesterday when it came to my resentment around a certain friendship.  And I saw the power of recovery in some of the sharing at the meeting.  But I started on my way home and felt so empty.  I forgot to reach for God and I binged.  So this morning, I am reflecting on my inconsistency and trying to learn from it.

The reading today continues with this passage:

Though my understanding of God may change, it would make little difference to my practice of the twelve steps.  Whatever my concept, I would still give everything to God:  my worries, my fears, my shortcomings, my family, my friends, the state of the nation and the world.  Does this mean I can now lie back and do nothing?  Far from it.  Turning over my anxiety about the things that concern me allows me to take effective action where I can.  I do what it is possible for me to do and let God handle the rest.

So for now, I will make breakfast and eat it.  Do my affirmations.  Attend my appointments.  Do what I can to improve my living conditions.  And leave the rest to God.

Blessed be.