Yesterday, the depression loomed large. I didn't get out of my pajamas. I was running a low fever. My tummy was upset. And I did practically nothing all day.
Today, I am starting my day with the intention it will be different than yesterday. I got up, washed and dressed, before breakfast. Hair done and shoes on. I'm doing my OA reading and writing before I start breakfast.
I missed yesterday's reading and I like it a lot this morning. It's worth typing it all out - I find if I write things down (or type them out) I remember better than if I just read them.
Want is a growing giant whom the coat of have was never large enough to cover. - Ralph Waldo Emerson.
My 'wants' outran my 'haves' in all things, though what I wanted most as a compulsive overeater was to be able to eat what I want when I want it. This illness is a symptom of want. What else did I want? More attention? More things? Yes - and more, always more. Whatever I wanted, I thought I should have simply on the strength of wanting it. But the truth is I seldom needed the things I wanted.
I am learning that what my life needs is the elimination of clutter and excess, which take up time and space and energy. If I think I need something, I ask myself, "What will it add to my life?"
For today: The true source of serenity, of good feelings, is not getting what I want, but wanting what I've got.
I was planning to drive out to the leather store, register for a class, buy a whole bunch of new tools and so on. I think maybe I shouldn't. I have creative tools cluttering my place that I don't use. Maybe I have what I need to add to my life already - I just need to do it.
Blessed be.
No comments:
Post a Comment