In the moment

Only in a hut built for the moment can one live without fear. - Kamo no Chomei

Fear comes from projection.  My mind does not say, "This is a fine, pain-free, worry-free moment in which there is nothing to fear.  Therefore, enjoy it."  Instead, it leaps ahead, conjuring up all sorts of mishaps and calamities.

As difficult as it is to shed old habits, I keep remembering the relief and freedom and joy that came from the first time I tried abstaining one day at a time and not worrying about what would happen tomorrow.

For today, my life consists of single moments.  I occupy them one at a time, savouring the fullness of each, and find there is no room for fear.

Yesterday, I spent 1.8 hours at a counsellor on trauma.   And $110.  I cried.  My body has pain in there somewhere that just leaks out, over and over.  But as much as I was anxious, it was not fear.  Gentleness and pacing are two of the words she suggested I ponder this week as I practice holding space for my own healing.

Blessed be.