Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose. - Mary Wollstonecraft
I came to OA because I wanted to get well more than I wanted to eat. That is the steady purpose that directs my life today. I place freedom from compulsive overeating before everything else because I do not want to return to the life I had without it. Before OA, the only tranquility I knew was to anaesthetize myself with food, an indulgence for which I paid dearly the rest of the time. Nothing could save me from the mental and emotional anguish and confusion of being fat, feeling guilty, and hating myself for lack of control.
Today I am not confused about who I am and what I am doing. I am a compulsive eater, relieved by the grace of God from the obsession, and recovering in this place I call home.
For today: Staying aware of my purpose in living by the OA program is my true source of peace of mind. Therefore it is my number one priority, and nothing -- no food, no circumstance, no person -- can tempt me to give it up.
This is the reading for October 31 in For Today. It's almost 2 pm as I write this and I have finished the lunch I had planned for myself. I have done more this morning than I have in weeks. In fact, I have done more in the last 24 hours than I have for a long time. I usually set my food plan the day before and send it to my food buddy (God love her). Last night, I also set three small goals of things I wanted to get done today. Some days, I have a hard time getting myself fed and through the shower with clean hair and clothes. Depression really hurts.
Today, however, I am blessed with a more peaceful mind and a happier heart. When I read the quote from Mary Wollstonecraft*, I initially reacted negatively to the idea of tranquilizing my mind. But a tranquil mind - that I can get behind whole heartedly. The root word is one of peace and I now the difference now between seeking to anaesthetize myself with food and seeking a tranquil spirit through practicing my 12 Steps, being of service, and working my cognitive behaviour techniques, including meditation.
Just for today. Blessed be.
* feminist, philosopher, writer, depressive. English, 1759-1797.
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