And I didn't initially want to write anything. My house is still a mess and I want it to be nicer but I rebel. I realized it's because it's an old power struggle with my mother about what my space should be like. And that's old. I don't have to clean up because my mother says so. I can want to change my house because I deserve beautiful.
The reading in Voices of Recovery for today is:
I have never seen a person grow or change in a constructive direction when motivated by guilt, shame and/or hate. - William Goldberg.And the text accompanying this incredible observation is this:
If you eat too much you're a glutton. If you weigh too much you won't be popular with the boys (or girls). Heaping new guilt upon the old, I tried to reform myself. I dieted, lost weight. There, now I looked terrific. But for how long? And did I like myself any better, inside?
...
For today, I let no one -- including myself -- try to shame me into changing something about myself I wish were different. I pray to be relieved of guilt and self-hate, and to accept and like myself exactly as I am. That is where I can begin to change.This.
Blessed be.
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