Not Acting on Thoughts, Not Doing More than My Share

The reading in Voices of Recovery today talks about abstinence and how, although abstinent, we can still have compulsive thoughts around food when we are stressed, frustrated or depressed.  Uh huh.  I know all about that.  The reading continues:

Although I would love to have a complete freedom from such thoughts, I'm learning to accept that I have the mind of a compulsive overeater, a mind that automatically associates feelings of discomfort with the siren song of food.  ...No matter who strong my desire to eat may be, it's never the food that I really want; therefore, eating won't make me feel better.  If I am upset and craving food, I really need to connect with my Higher Power, to spend some quiet time by myself or to talk to a caring friend.  Thus, recovery has taught me that even though I may think like a compulsive overeater, I don't have to act like one.

This is reassuring in many ways.  I think I had made the assumption that if I still have compulsive thoughts about food, I am not abstinent.  But it's refraining from compulsive food behaviours, not thoughts, in our definition of abstinence.  It's not like I can control my thoughts.  I may be able to influence them over time with repeated patterns of behaviour, but I can't control my thoughts directly. 

Intergroup yesterday.  Lots more volunteers but all of them new to intergroup.  Good thing we no longer are enforcing the rules about attending for three months before you can be elected and having to meet the abstinence requirements or whatnot.  It's good to have new blood - there are people there who are not really contributing to Intergroup.  I expect they take the Intergroup news back to their home groups but that's about it in terms of contribution.  They don't actually do the work of Intergroup.  Maybe that's none of my business.  That's their journey.  If they are stuck, they are stuck.  If they are fine, they are fine. 

I was hurt and offended when I had three jobs and they had none, yet when the issue was raised, they did nothing.  However, the issue was raised and now I have one job.  It was a good lesson in me being serene enough to wait to see if someone else would step up or the position could stay empty.  I don't have to save the world.  I am only responsible for myself. 

Taking on too much is not good for my recovery.  I am learning to be consciously and responsibly selfish. I think it's important in our step 4's to look at these issues.  I am learning from the Al-Anon people that it is controlling and selfish to do too much for other people as well.  As I work my steps, I am going to read more closely for these issues -- control and doing too much as a sign of selfishness or ego.  Service gives me an opportunity to look at these issues in my life.

Blessed be.