The Infinite Goodness has such wide arms that it takes whatever turns to it. - Dante Alighieri
This morning's reading starts with this lovely quote from Dante Alighieri (Italian, 1265-1321). What a wonderful comfort. My Higher Power is infinite, good and welcomes me in all things with open arms. This is my conception of God. The reading continues with this question: Is there some deep, secret trouble I am withholding, even from my Higher Power?
Yes. I think so. I have not asked my Higher Power for help with the trauma I have carefully walled off. When I think of it or speak of it, all I do is cry. And I don't know exactly why. I have long thought it is not important to know why. Now, I realize that may be so but I still need to have help for it. The counsellor talked this week about compartmentalizing my emotions and relying solely on intellect. Or something like that.
It's ok that I don't understand this grief, this unhappy, this core hurt. But as the reading says, "God alone knows how badly I need help in all aspects of my life." I realize this morning that I have asked for help with my compulsive eating and some of my character defects, mainly around control. I haven't asked for help with my sadness, my grief, my fears. I need to start talking to my Higher Power about all aspects of my life, not just some.
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