Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact. - William James
I have to think I have a belief that life is worth living or I would have acted on the desperate thoughts of wanting to end my life that depression brings from time to time. It's not so much that I want to end my life but I am afraid of the dark relentless pain that racks my soul when the depression is at its worst. It is enough to make thoughts of giving up seem appealing in the moment.
Fortunately, I am learning to be more brave, more mindful. I remember more that these dark feelings of dread and despair do pass. I can wait them out, like waiting for the weather to change. Here, it can rain for months in the winter with no sunny day in between for reprieve. I have learned to rejoice at the cloudy dry day even when I wish I could see the sun instead. It is these small mercies, these small moments of grace, when I can accept what is, and see that things do change, even if slowly, that make it possible to continue on.
It reminds me of the mountain meditation by Jon Sabat-Zinn -- where we visualize the mountain, strong and firm, as the weather changes around us. I found the script for that meditation so I am going to add it to the resource section for the days when it will help me to read it and meditate on its message.
Blessed be.
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