Seeking

I turned to the reader Voices of Recovery this morning for my daily reading.  Today's entry reads:

...I would if I could, my friend, but -- as it is for me -- the problem is within... I am completely honest in taking stock of myself so I can learn why I feel as I do about myself. - For Today, p.277

Which is the For Today reading for October 3rd.  The entire passage provides more context:

When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere. - Francois de la Rochefoucauld. 

Surely something, someone can fix me.  A little this, a little that, a new combination, a new person or place, a new goal.  Can you fix me?  The question, in a thousand different guises, is still asked.  The wise person answers, "I would if I could, my friend, but -- as it is for me -- the problem is within."  It is not the weather, the dog, the neighbours, my house, my spouse or lack of spouse, my job or lack of one; it is within me.  Nothing on the outside changes that.  When I am feeling bad about myself, I can put the blame on anything and everything.  When I am feeling good about myself, I accept all things that make up my life on the outside. 

For today:  I am completely honest in taking stock of myself so I can learn why I feel as I do about myself.

I have a negativity bias.  I assume the worst about myself.  I am working on that and changing my core belief.   I have lived with the core belief that I am damaged for most of my life.  I am not sure where that comes from although I have some suspicions.  For today, I am working on changing my core belief to I am capable of healing.  The word "whole" is resonating with me.  I want to feel whole.

Blessed be.