Love is the theme of the day...

This morning, my inbox had the Just for Today message about romance and recovery.  And then the For Today quote this morning is "There is only one happiness in life:  to love and be loved" by George Sand (who was really the female French novelist Amantine-Lucile-Aurore Dupin).

And I cried.  I do not feel loved in the romantic sense.  I feel a familiarity kind of love from my family but it feels very surface.  I feel expendable, distanced, extra to their primary relationships as husbands/wives or, in the case of my sister, as a parent.

The advice is good, I'm sure, to be careful that romance doesn't cloud my program of recovery.  It starts with the statement that relationships can be a terribly painful area.  And it continues:

Love is like an elixir for some of us.  The excitement of a new lover, the intrigue of exploring intimacy, the sense of release we get from allowing ourselves to become vulnerable, —these are all powerful emotions.  But we can'’t forget that we have only a daily reprieve from our addiction.  Holding onto this daily reprieve must be the top priority in any recovering addict's life.

We can become too involved in our relationship.  We can neglect old friends and our sponsor in the process. Then, when things get difficult, we often feel that we can no longer reach out to those who helped us prior to our romantic involvement.  This belief can lay the groundwork for a relapse.  By consistently working our program and attending meetings, we ensure that we have a network of recovery, even when we’'re deep in a romance.

Our desire to be romantically involved is natural.  But we mustn’'t forget that, without our program, even the healthiest relationship will not guard us against the strength of our addiction.  Just for today:  In my desire for romance, I will not ignore my recovery.

And last week, I did exactly that.  I had someone message me interested in me sexually, I explored it, and when he turned out to be not a good match, I binged for three days.  His parting words were hurtful and I hurt myself over it.

The For Today reading adds that to love and feel loved is nothing less than to have a reverence for life.  When I binge, I throw my vitality away in my pain.  So just for today, I am choosing to revere my life.  It is an act of love for myself.  And if I start with me, who knows how far I can go!

Blessed be.