Life was Meant to be Lived

Life was meant to be lived, and curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life.  - Eleanor Roosevelt

The reading today is timely - I am pondering what my 'bucket list' could be to help me make my life bigger, more joyous, more full of wonder.  The reading says:

Meeting life head-on has the great virtue of allowing me to see everything, to know in the instant how best to proceed -- and then go ahead and do it.  I am here for the purpose of living, which means putting all my God-given faculties to their fullest and best use.

Depression makes my life small, dark, and scared.  Living the 12 Steps makes me get out, connect, find unity, even laugh. 

Coming home last night from visiting family for Christmas, the road was slippery and filled in places with pooling water.  Big wet snow flakes splattered against the windshield and I had to concentrate to make sure I could see the road through all the grey, the wet, the cold.  I was saddened, starting to cry, at the emptiness I feel leaving my family, knowing I am going home to a lonely quiet apartment.  I realized that I cannot expect my family to substituted for the life I want - with a loving partner, connection, intimacy.  They love me and when I see them, I feel that love.  And when I get home, the cat is deliriously happy to see me, showing her affection with purring and cuddles, kneading and head butts.  I am loved.  I am just not always loved the way I would like to be.  Some of that I can do something about.  Some of it I can't - it is out of my control.  And when I realized this, I stopped crying, concentrated on my driving, and felt serenity.

Blessed be.