For Today - Step 2, I knew my eating was out of control when...

I'm continuing with the questions of the Slipping and Sliding reading and writing tool from OA.  Today, I'm on question 2:

Read Step Two in the OA 12&12, especially pages 9-11.  How did I know that my eating was out of control?

I knew my eating was out of control:

1. when I was about 9 or 10 and I asked the family doctor about the size of my thighs but really I wanted to know why I was sneak-eating entire packages of soda crackers
2. when I would buy three or four ice cream sandwiches for lunch in middle school
3. when I would get up before everyone else and make two batches of buttered popcorn for my breakfast in middle school
4. when I would constantly portion the food in the bowls at the family dinner table to make sure I didn't take too much
5. with the benefit of hindsight:  when I didn't question why I felt hungry all the time despite eating
6. when I was about 23 and my weight hit 180 lbs for the first time
7. when I was about 24 and I had to get a "plus-sized" top for the first time
8. when I was 25 and the dressmaker had to remake the sleeves on my bride's-maid dress because my upper arms were so round, I couldn't get into the size 18 dress properly
9. when I have eaten food that was burnt
10. when I was a child and I snuck repeatedly into the freezer to eat food that was frozen with my Mom knowing (she must have?)
11. when I have eaten food I have dropped on the floor
12. when I drove around in circles, lost, looking for fast food in the middle of the night in a strange city
13. when I wouldn't pack for a visit to my parents' home without stocking my suitcase with chocolate bars
14. when I would sneak more than my share of treats from the office break room
15. when I would put the wrong code on the bulk food candy to reduce the price per pound (stealing)
16. when I continued to over eat as my weight ballooned up to 325
17. when I continued to over eat after spending countless hours and thousands of dollars to get my weight down to 244, only to go back up to 294
18. when stretch marks first started to appear on my tummy, thighs, breasts, upper arms
19. when I developed sleep apnea
20. when I avoid social gatherings and stay home to binge instead
21. when I tried a naturopathic doctor's cure only to develop an irregular heart beat and then realize the substance he prescribed was banned in the United States
22. when I felt humiliated at Weight Watchers at failing, over and over
23. when I would go shopping at night when there were fewer people to see what I put in my cart
24. when I would eat until I was ill or physically so uncomfortable I felt ill
25. when I felt suicidal over my weight, my appearance, my lack of social life
26. when I became celibate for 20 years because I didn't want anyone to see me naked
27. when I continued to suffer, more and more, but thought bingeing made me feel better
28. when I worked hard all day and then ate hard all night
29. when I lived in fear and anxiety instead of peace and contentment
30. when I left the curtains drawn, stopped answering the phone and hid
31. when I stopped opening my mail and hibernated
32. when I smiled and agreed with other people when I really wanted to say no
33. when I accepted abuse in my relationships because I didn't think I deserved any better or could find anyone better
34. when I focused on other people's problems and fixed them, leaving my own unattended to
35. when I over reacted to tiny things, leaving big things undone
36. when I let my house get so messy, it was not functional or even hygienic
37. when I was obsessively "busy" but got little done
38. when I would collapse sick after a period of heavy work or family time
39. when I realized I was depressed and did nothing about it for about a decade
40. when I avoid new things because I'm too fat, too uncoordinated, will look stupid, won't be good at
41. when I left a yoga class weeping because I was simply too fat to do the movement so I went to the store and binged
42. when I paid for a gym membership each month at two different gyms for years and used it maybe 10 times
43. when I signed up for a pilates class and didn't attend even one session
44. when the personal trainer I hired quit and I assumed it was because I was too fat to work with
45. when a family friend made the mistake of assuming I was the pregnant one when I was standing beside my six-month pregnant cousin
46. when I had to wear black pajama bottoms to the gym at first because no exercise wear was made in my size
47. ...

And I could go on.  Step 2 is "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." 

Blessed be.