We are healed of suffering only by experiencing it to the full. - Marcel Proust
I get close to the source of my unhappiness -- the "trauma" as the counsellor says -- and I withdraw, weeping without really knowing why, and then I binge to make the feelings more manageable (or so I think). What if I am getting in the way of my own Recovery by short-circuiting my process every time with food? It has an almost narcotic effect on my emotional pain. If I binge on fat, sugar and carbohydrates, I get sleepy and I don't feel as much when I sleep.
How much of addiction is avoidance? We focus on the seeking behaviour -- more food, more alcohol, more substance of choice. Perhaps the spiritual aspect of this process is seeking new ways instead. A process of facing pain, instead of seeking to avoid or dull it. The 12 Steps help me experience my life, not stunt the experience of life, over and over.
What if I don't stop myself from crying? Surely there is a spiritual experience to be had in catharsis.
No comments:
Post a Comment