The means by which certain pleasures are gained bring pains many times greater than the pleasures. - Epicurus
I am in tears as I write this. My pain is unrelenting and I am buckling under the weight of it. Prayer gives me some relief. But not enough. Listening to OA podcasts helps make life seem possible. But not for long. The antidepressants help sort of. But not really. Eating makes life go away for a little while. And then I feel worse. I feel like I am disintegrating and I just have to be here suffering.
FML.
.......................................
Two and a half hours later...
I don't want what I wrote earlier this morning to be my post for the last day of 2015. In the last while, I have wept. I have done two loads of laundry. I cancelled my training for this morning I baked a white sponge cake for the base layer of the baked Alaska I am making for dessert tonight. I read about Epicurus. I spoke to my parents on the phone to wish them a Happy New Year. And I wept again. Now, I am making my usual breakfast and thinking I need to get some more rest before tackling more of what I want to get done today. My eyes are sore. My head aches. And I am sad. But I am still here.
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